(Please pardon my crappy blog skills these days. I’m working on something that seems to be eating up not only my time, but the few remaining brain cells I have left (shut.up.). It’s boring so I’ll spare you the details, but in lieu of any real new content, this is an ancient post from about three years ago.)

Some people keep pets to protect themselves and their families from the gamut of intruders, burglars, murderers, and rapists that regularly prey on innocent people.

Dogs are a common favorite for this. My brother, for example, because he hates me bitterly trained his German Shepard to attack me whenever I walked into the house. My parents have 2 large dogs that alert them when:

a) Someone is approaching the house (i.e. the mailman or yours truly)

b) Another animal is approaching the house (i.e. a stray cat) or

c) a squirrel farts down the block.

It’s actually quite tedious to live with as you can well imagine.

I’ve HEARD of people having cats do similar things, you know, meowing and hissing whenever someone new comes over. My own cats (3 count ‘em 3! In training for crazy cat lady lifestyle) would NEVER do anything of the sort. Although The Deer Hunter may attack someone carrying in a cheeseburger or spinach salad, but only so he could eat some of it. Who am I kidding, he’d eat ALL OF IT.

(ed.note: The Deer Hunter, aka Finnegan the Cat died at the age of two from some terrible inborn genetic error. No, three years later I am still not over it. Shut.up.)

Apparently, over at the ole Casa de la Sausage, we have inadvertently developed a new hybrid of attack-critters. A nest of wasps decided that our back porch was the perfect spot for a summer home. We cohabited quite well until this morning, when I was ruthlessly attacked by the mess of wasps.

I guess that wasps are too stupid to train to attack ‘œundesirables,’ despite my sorted efforts, which mainly consisted of putting pictures of Pashmina–who is deathly afraid of bees– out by the hive and chanting ‘œattack the beast’ over and over.

So, in a haze of insecticide, my porch now rests. Peacefully, even.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

18 Responses to Attack Bees

  • kate says:

    i can’t believe that “attack the beast” didn’t work.

    huh. weird.

  • Erin says:

    Here from NaComLeavMo! We have two dogs that sound like your parents’ dogs, except that I think sometimes they just bark preemptively just in case something happens.

    Glad that the wasps are no more!

  • Karen says:

    I had those freaking wasps in the post of my mailbox. I took them down – by myself – while my sister, my brother and my ex-bf mocked me through the window.

    Yeah, in retrospect, it is not really a bad thing that he is not an EX boyfriend.

  • shay says:

    I have a big attack dog that could possibly lick you to death OR at the very worst way her tail so hard as to leave a mark while knocking you down on her way to get you to pet her lol.

    Nope. not fierce. at. all!

    Hey, what’cha workin’ at?!

  • bri says:

    Our freaking dogs bark at freaking everything and I threaten death to them at least five times a day.

    There was a wasps’ nest in my playhouse in Arizona when I was little. Scared me to death. Never could play in there again after that, even when it was removed.

  • Natalie says:

    My husband’s dog drives me NUTS with his barking. NUTS. Those squirrels, apparently they fart a lot.

    My cats too, would molest someone for cuddles. So much for protecting the house. They’d LOVE it.

    Sorry about the bees. ICK. ICK.

  • Trish says:

    I’m here from NaComLeavCom
    Sorry you have are being kept busy and brain celled out.

    WE had a huge wasp nest here recently … why were such creatures created – at least bees give honey.

    I wish I knew some thing else earnest to say.I stradle the realms of long term infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss and IVF.Whatever you are working on I hope it works out.

    My Little Drummer boys

  • trish says:

    Here from NaMoLeavCom or whatever the hell it’s called. The name is irritating but I’m kinda into leaving comments.

    My dogs especially like to bark at leaves blowing in our backyard, ’cause did you know that leaves have been known to attack humans? True story. And when I take my dogs in public and people ask if I’d give the dogs away, I say, “It depends on when you ask.” If I’ve told them to SHUT THE EFF UP for the 46th time, then yeah, you can have ‘em.

  • SciFi Dad says:

    We had a wasp nest start in between our front door and the screen door twice last summer. Now I’m that crazy guy who spends five minutes on his tiny porch every time he enters the house checking for new nests forming.

    Then there’s the time I found one in the Little Tikes climber in the backyard. Did you know that you can’t really drown wasps with a garden hose? Even on “spray”. Really. (Also, did you know that when given the choice between saving me by opening the sliding back door and avoiding wasps herself, my wife put down the door bar.)

  • seriously? says:

    My dog Riley doesn’t alert me to anything excpet when I leave something out of place in the house. If we leave a coat on a chair (or different chair than usual) or leave a crate on the floor, she barks at it. I think she is just a neat freak.

  • Amanda says:

    Visiting as part of NaComLeavMo! My dog barks all the damn time. What’s worse is that we have a macaw that thinks it’s funny that the dog barks and will begin barking at the dog to make the dog bark. I threaten them both with bodily harm on a daily basis.

  • kc says:

    My dog tries to be a guard dog, to no avail.

  • Kristen says:

    Did you get bitten?! Ouch!
    Hope you rid yourself of them completely. I hate wasp season! Most of the summer here, we can’t eat out on our deck because of the wasps.

  • Jenn says:

    Ugh … we had a hornets nest in the tree in our front yard last summer.

  • honeywine says:

    Just one? The ancient Ghetto Trailer has a perimeter of them. Oddly, they only attack M. hmmm….

  • birdpress says:

    I had wasps living inside the siding of my old house in PA, right outside both the front and back doors. I was so scared to go in or out of the house for weeks and had to carry a can of spray around with me just to get by, and I got stung a lot. Those things HURT. Be careful! I sold that house to my dad the same year, so he had to deal with it. Ha.

  • Leslee says:

    My cats (5! I WIN CRAZY CAT LADY!) are an odd bunch. The one kitten (Bitsy) will greet you at the door and howl at you to pet her. The other kitten (Nala) hates to be touched most of the time, so she’ll run. Mydna (the middle cat) will stare at you and, if you’re worthy, meow a conversation at you. Squeak (the odest) may sniff at you a bit, but she usually hides. Baby (the fatty of the group) will not get up to regard you with anything but indifference, unless you have food. Then she will be your BESTEST FRIEND EVAR!

    We get wasps in the railing to our stoop every year. And in the shutter things. I make Greg go wasp hunting as I am incredibly petrified of any and ALL bugs. o_O

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