Dear Netflix,

I’m not entirely certain why you added to my list of recommendations, the show Hoarders, but since you did, I had the compulsion (see what I did there?) to watch it. I’d never seen the show, Netflix, because I figured that seeing 10,000 empty bottles and rotted animal carcasses was not exactly my idear of a good time. Now, if they’d showed people eating their weight in Captain Crunch, that’s another story. In fact, you should make that a show. I’d so be there.

Anyway.

For the first time ever, I chose to watch the show.

First, let me say that watching mentally ill people do wacky things isn’t my idea of a good time. I know mental illness. I HAVE a mental illness (PTSD IN DA HOUUUUSE!). I work with mental illness on Band Back Together. I’m intimately familiar with it and generally have no need to watch other mentally ill people be, well, mentally ill.

But you got me there, Netflix. You did. Since you told me I “should” watch it, I did.

I’m going to be honest here – I wasn’t as horrified as you might think. I’m not sure that’s an entirely good thing, though.

But I will give you some props, Netflix, for suggesting I watch Hoarders. Never, ever, have I wanted to get up at 11PM and clean my house. Never. Ever. And the only reason I haven’t done so yet is that I realized I’d wake up sleeping children which, Netflix, isn’t exactly full of the awesome.

Frankly, Netflix, I’m in debt to you. It’s like you somehow read my blog and knew that I had a super sekret (read: lame) resolution this year. No, not the whole, “not become Lil Wayne” thing, because that’s sorta a given. It would take a hell of a lot of¬†sizzurp to turn me into that….um…thing.

But it’s made it hella easy for me to WANT to go down to the basement and somehow dry out 9,473 cans of ancient green paint to throw away. I suddenly cannot WAIT to donate my old clothing to charity. My children’s toy bins full ‘o’ crap shall be emptied!

(I think, Netflix, I’m going to donate some of the nice kids clothes to the Band Back Together auction this spring, because an Internet Garage sale seems awkward)

My resolution, thanks to you, Netflix, will be fulfilled.

So to you, Hoarders (and Netflix), I am forever indebted. Although, you do owe me some bleach for my eyes.

Love,

Aunt Becky

P.S. If you recommend I watch Intervention, I’m canceling your ass.

P.P.S. You should know better than to suggest I watch the Super Mario Brothers Super Show. That’s just cruel.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

35 Responses to An Open Letter To Netflix

  • Mayor Gia says:

    Hhaha I hear ya. After i watch Hoarders I tend to look around and go GET RID OF ALL THE THINGS!!!!! and freak out about crumbs because they lead to bugs and AH OMG RATS AND COCKROACHES.

    It’s not healthy. (my reaction, i mean. clearly the hoarding isn’t either…)

  • LDiggitty says:

    Hoarders makes me itch, but I LOVE that show. My favorites (aka the most disgusting) are the animal or food hoarders. *shudder*

    As for the paint cans, the Sherwin Williams dude told me last week that you can do some combo of half paint/half kitty litter to dry it out, and then you can just put it out at the curb. He also said you could paint it onto cardboard (if there’s just a little left in the can) and dry it out that way… but it sounds like you have way more paint than that…

  • Jacinta says:

    NETFLIX HAS HOARDERS?!

    *Turns on the Wii right away*

  • Dianne says:

    OMG since you watch Hoarders you should so watch Freaky Eaters. last night I watched it and some lady ate in 1 year 9,996 ice cream bars.

  • Just Me says:

    That hoarders show is just painful. I can’t even watch it. It doesn’t make me want to clean… it makes me want to use a sledgehammer on my tv, as well as the show producers. In no particular sequence.

  • PishPosh says:

    NETFLIX STRIKES AGAIN

    Their recommendations lead to definite stealing of time the b-turds.

    I have never seen hoarders. I couldn’t bear it – but I bet the worst episode would be DOLL HOARDERS!!

  • DiatribesAndOvations
    Twitter: DiatribesAndOs
    says:

    Not a fan of the NetFlix here. Was a loyal customer for many years but dumped them when they doubled the price. Turns out I don’t miss it at all.

    I love “Hoarders”. I find it morbidly entertaining. On the other hand, I can’t watch any Kardashian stuff. So, that being said, I’d rather see dead animal carcasses and swarms of bugs on old food on my television than a Kardashian. That’s normal … right?

  • Jeans Y says:

    Hahaha! That show can be really hard to watch sometimes… it’s not that all the stuff doesn’t bother me (I do purge things from the house pretty much every time I watch) but what really bothers me? The dirty and *shudder* the bugs.

  • Caro says:

    OMG! I had to turn that show off the other night when they showed the woman with jugs of piss in her living room. Thought I was gonna puke!

    In other news, my house has never been cleaner. I discovered my baseboards are white and not wolf fur gray.

  • Sandy says:

    Watching episodes of Hoarders has been my kickinthepants for getting rid of crap around my house. Did you know that shredding stuff is therapy? Yeah, found that one out when I took my aggression out of the stupid thing when it took an hour to un-jam it!

  • oh god. I can’t watch hoarders. It terrifies me.

  • Mrs. One Day says:

    When we had cable I watched Hoarders…once. I did the same thing you did and started cleaning immediately. I’m positive that I threw out things of importance such as: My birth certificate and marriage certificate. Copies, of course. I had them out because I needed to get a new driver’s license. Stupid DMV!! Damn you, Hoarders! I had to buy copies of those…again! Sheesh!

  • Suniverse says:

    I now need to clean out my office closet. And my cedar closet. And the laundry room.

    IMMEDIATELY.

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream
    says:

    Hoarders gives me the heebie jeebies.

  • Nelli Vaughn says:

    What the hell, auntie! Intervention is awesome. Every time I watch that program, I forget I am not turning tricks behind Walmart. I forget I am not a crackhead with one tooth left to the side of my gum, hanging on by yesterday’s gum. The show is THAT good. I can do without Hoarders. That show makes me feel jealous. I am too broke to hoarde a damn thing. I can barely form a pile.

  • I watched Hoarders once with my husband, and I found myself arguing the points of the Hoarder. Now, I am only allowed to watch the really bad filthy ones, so there is less chance I will commiserate and feel all empathetic.

    Why is it that mental illness makes us look like such whack-jobs? Oh, wait….I think i answered my own question…..

  • Mommaexpat says:

    Here’s a Netflix nugget for you Aunt Becky…. The Wild & Wonderful Whites of West Virginia.

    • kittyn says:

      Late to the game, but seconded. Just watched this yesterday and it is strangely… I don’t know. Morbidly amusing?

      I love Hoarders -and- Intervention though, so maybe I’m not the best judge. Hoarders has the ability to be both reassuring (‘See, my mess isn’t -that- bad’) and make me feel the need to wash and fold all fifty million loads of laundry at 4 am.

  • Brett Minor says:

    Hoarders is disgusting but I love it. It was playing once and work and it sucked me in.

  • Jen C says:

    Hoarders allows me to feel ok about my purging tendencies. I throw out EVERYTHING to the point that sometimes I throw away crap I really needed. LOL I am the opposite of a hoarder :)

  • meg says:

    hoarders has the same effect on me! It makes me want to clean out my 13 junk drawers. O and my son found Super Mario Super Show. It’s a cruel cruel world.

  • Grace says:

    Ah Hoarders. How I love that show! I think I was sort of headed that way at one point in my life, but moving out of state to a smaller home while pregnant made me ruthless about throwing crap out! Now I love the state of my home – very few things that need to be dusted, and I can straighten the main rooms of my house very quickly now. I still have one room that has way too much stuff in it, but I’m working on getting it cut back. Hoarders is really good for motivating me to do that.

  • I am in way way shape or form a hoarder; but every time I watch that show I clean out a closet or drawer and become obsessed with the Container Store. Also, I feel the need for an asthma inhaler.

  • Christine says:

    Whole post: AGREED! Sometimes my Netflix confuses me on what it *thinks* I should watch. Just because I looked at 1 show, 1 time, it will suggest that I would *like* other things like it. Now, if I had watched more than 10 minutes of said show, along with mayhaps the rest of the season(s) of it, I would understand. But. No. Whatever collection of people they have hard at work on the psychology of Netflix users, these people are being overpaid for being complete asshats. Just my opinion, of course! ;)

  • Elizabeth says:

    Fabulous post! I have yet to watch that show, but you may have inspired me. I have a few bags of clothes that need to get donated, baskets of old shoes, hat, bags…. to think.. I might be able to open the closet with nothing falling out!

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