When I first started dating The Daver, it must have been right around a new school semester starting for me in school. He was already a Working Person, and while I did work, I slung beers and pizzas on the weekends while I cared for my son during the week. He had a Big Boy Job and I was a student.

When I told him casually that “I needed a day planner” I was envisioning the paper and pencil kind that I was accustomed to. Perhaps I’d find one with a trippy graphic on it that I could perhaps draw something lewd–like a whimsical penis!!–on. My only real stipulation was that it was notebook sized. I didn’t and still don’t particularly like to scrawl notes in tiny hieroglyphics with pens designed for mice.

“No way,” The Daver was adamant here, “You need a PDA.”

“Um.” I hated to break it to him when he was being so fucking cute and forceful, but I knew I needed a PDA like I needed more baby daddy drama.

“No, you do. Here, let’s go get you a nice one.” He quickly executed a 3-point turnabout and drove into the Worst Best Buy parking lot. Out of the car he sprung and leaving me no choice but to trail along behind him, I followed him into the store unhappily.

Best Buy is NOT my happy place.

Quickly he steered me over to the PDA section and handed me a box. “Here,” he said confidently, “I’ll buy you THIS.”

It was approximately 76,000 times as much as the paper one I was looking at but he was so fucking earnest about it that I said only, “Um. Okay.” Maybe he was right. I could probably learn something from him.

“On one condition, The Daver,” I bargained with him. “I need a Coach PDA case.”

“Deal.” He said quickly.

I spent the next 3 days painfully entering all of my information into the stupid thing, all of my contacts (which I took from my cell phone, which really WAS my lifeblood, lest you think I was a total technophobe), all of the syllabuses, all of the stuff that I’d need for the next semester and I put it in it’s happy pink Coach PDA case and stuffed it into my backpack.

THERE, I thought to myself. LOOKIT how professional I look!!

I practiced whipping the PDA case out and entering something furiously into it like I always saw the commuters doing on the train, and I felt pretty cool for upwards of 2.4 seconds. Until I realized that I wasn’t fooling anyone.

Then, I forgot to charge the fucking thing and lost all of my painstakingly entered data. Then I lost the power cord for the thing. I considered flushing it down the toilet, but decided against it since I didn’t ACTUALLY buy it myself.

I furtively went out and bought myself an actual day planner and happily used real ink to write down my schedule for the next several months, happy to be dating a technophile, but just as happy to not be one myself.

Which is why it’s weird that on April 3, Mr. FedEx will be bringing me–Your Aunt Becky–her very own iPad. I actually pre-ordered the newest piece of technology for myself. It’s like I’m looking in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself anymore because it’s not even the $20,000 diamond iPad.

The Daver has been mocking me since I pre-ordered it, which is even weirder. It’s like we’re turning into the other person which means I should develop a love of whiny emo music and he should turn into a huge Britney fan. I guess I’m not that worried, because I’ll still never, ever enter my calendar information into it. Like, ever.

Because entering “FUCKING SURVIVE” every day is kind of depressing.



108 Responses to An iPad By Any Other Name Would Be Less Stupid Sounding

  • Mama says:

    I’ve never had a pda. I use a smallish calander that I hardly ever enter anything on. I just am not a calander girl(heehee), I guess. I had a smart phone that I could have used for stuff like that, but again, I never entered anything but my phone numbers.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka

      I don’t tend to put phone numbers anywhere except my house phone’s caller ID. PROLLY why I can never find a phone number ever. MAYBE I should rethink my process, huh?

  • SciFi Dad says:

    You’re getting an iPad? Really? Why?

    In my mind, the target demographic for the iPad is people you don’t want using a real computer, so…

    You know what? Never mind.

  • Libby says:

    If I put anything in my phone I instantly forget it. I think it makes me dumb.

  • CycleNinja says:

    So what did Daver say when you showed him the link to the diamond-encrusted version? I’d imagine he felt nervous just knowing it’s out there…

  • I had a PDA once. It was nice but I never used as much as I should. I need to break down and get a smart phone. Then I don’t have to carry a mental calendar anymore because even carrying a paper one is just one more thing I have to carry. And I just can’t. Carry. Anything. Else.

  • CycleNinja says:

    Oh, BTW: Britney Who…?

  • I’m still a ball point pen and free bank calendar gal. I do, however, admire those of you who willing step into the tech future. I go kicking and screaming.

  • When my wife and I met, I just got into the cell phone game. I didn’t know how to text. She was rocking a Sidekick and hopeless addicted. Then she bought me a Sidekick. I jumped to the lead, constantly texting, emailing, browsing. She stepped up our addiction with a Blackberry and I soon followed. While my addiction has waned (I am stilla ddicted but do put it down and leave it behind from time to time) her has only intensified. She now has a Blackberry AND and iPhone, both of which rest on the nightstand in our bedroom at night (my blackberry goes on the charger in the living room shortly after the toddler goes to bed).

    It may be a stereotype that single men are tech geeks, but in my experience a married woman is the real one to watch out for.

  • linlah says:

    Paper and lots of different colored pens, now that’s my happy.

  • Sam says:

    Every single time I see the word “iPad” I think of a maxi pad with techno-capabilities. It’s weird, but still, really? And I still use my old daytimer thingy – it’s never lost information. Unless you count when the Children of the Corn got into it. THEN it lost data, the hard way. 😉

  • Patty Punker says:

    i can so relate! i embrace technology. i have the latest iphone. a pda before that. and so on backwards. but i totally kick it old school when it comes to my calendar, contacts, logins and passwords, etc

    i use a dayplanner for all of that shit. it’s my world in one black book. i also need month at-a-glance calendars in front of me at all times at work and home.

    this made me laugh so hard though, i think i need an iLiner. (sorry, had to.

  • I love having a paper calendar, but I would die without my iCal and iPhone syncing to each other. I used to say I didn’t need very much technology, because I didn’t used to. But now, well, not so much.

    The iPad (which I cannot mention in type or speak without giggling, Kotex anyone?) is definitely on my wish list.

  • robert says:

    Weeks after getting my first PDA, I realized I had spent hundreds more for a calculator than I should have.

  • BigSis says:

    I also prefer my paper dayplanner over a PDA. And, I HATE the name iPad. It makes me think of maxi pads!

  • Sus says:

    I have a fancy schmancy phone that is equipped with Outlook and Microsoft Office and can be synced with my computer. But you know what I end up keeping all of my notes and plans in? A Weekly Planner that I bought at Target for 50 cents in their clearance bin.

  • Melissa says:

    My 4 year old cell phone generally sits charging for weeks at a time. I use my computer for everything. What the heck do you need an IPad for? What does it do that you cant do in Outlook?

  • Paige says:

    I wanna hear all about the iPad! My iBook gave up the ghost a couple weeks ago and I considered the iPad, but I really need a computer that I can edit video on. But I still wanna know if it’s awesome!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka

      If it’s anything like my iPhone, it’s going to be amazing. I live on my iPhone.

      • Paige says:

        Me too. My iPhone has become my most important accessory. And I never used to be the “Oh no I forgot my phone what am I gonna do” type. I think I’d love the iPad because I love the iPhone but it’s just too small for some things.

  • Tricia says:

    I want an iPad, too. But I’m afraid of not having enough to do with it, since I’m a new blogger and I want to SEEM professional while I write a post as I poop. And I firmly believe that doing my posts on an iPad will make me look pro, and just kinda badass in general. Which is really my goal. Hope you like yours, as I bitch and moan to my man to buy me one until I break his spirit.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka

      Bwahaha. I bought my own. Dave NEVER would have bought me one, although I’m gonna guess that he’ll be all ‘LEMMIE SEE IT’ and not give it back ever. Jerk.

  • statia says:

    I’m such a Mac geek, but I have no interest in the iPad. My iPhone does what I need it to do.

    My iPad is a ratty pink pad with scrawl all over it and cryptic notes.

  • Ed says:

    You + iPad + Bedazzler = JOY!

  • I would have gotten excited about the iPad except

    A) no local service provider carries it
    B) I can’t even afford the damn thing
    C) I don’t want to explain myself everytime someones says “what’d you say?” after I tell them it’s an “iPad”

    The fucking end.

  • a says:

    Who needs a planner? I just limit my activities and make the ones I actually perform extremely predictable. That way, I just show up on autopilot, and don’t have to remember a freaking thing.

    So, the iPad is like Mac’s answer to the netbook? With a touch screen? Or is it an iTouch for seniors? I bet my Bejewelled game would be awesome on an iPad.

    So not into the technology chase…

    Sorry that FUCKING SURVIVE is your daily activity. 🙁

  • kalakly says:

    Well, considering we just finally replaced the last tv in our house that was over 20 yrs old, I suspect it will be a while before I get anymore gizmos that will just break and make me crazy. I’m hopelessly devoted to my laptop and my cell. (cue Olivia Newton John music…)

  • carissa says:

    I want an Ipad! But really I just want a computer that’s not a desk top that was made in the early 90’s. I am so the Aunt Becky at the beginning of this story. I am technologically still living in 1995. sighhhhhh I’m a sad sad sap.

  • MommaKiss says:

    I can’t get one. Know why? I HATE fingerprints and smudges. On my lil crackberry screen it’s bad enough. Can’t fathom the big ol’ pad.

    You enjoy that, though 😉

  • Kelly says:

    My husband bought me a Palm when they first came out. I did the same thing, entered everything into it for days…whipped it out a few times, then promptly forgot about it in the bottom of my purse. A few months later I was cleaning my purse out, and finally figured out why it had been so heavy….bye bye silly waste of dollars.

  • Kelly says:

    That diamond IPad is awfully pretty…I think that Dave should be pretty happy with you that you didn’t spring for the bling…

  • Betty M says:

    Lucky you. We have to wait an extra month at least.

  • Mrs Soup says:

    I <3 you. Cannot wait to see what you think about it!

  • Jennifer B says:

    Oh, I am all about the different colored pens. I think that’s why I became a teacher. I grade most things in purple or teal, never red. Anyway, as for scheduling things. I try to put important dates and appointments in as many places as possible, so that my phone will beep, my computer will pop reminders at me, my “bookmark” is an envelope with all the stuff written on it, etc. Otherwise, whatever it is will slip through the cracks (more like grand canyons) of my mind and I will miss it entirely. I don’t have one of those nifty smart phones or PDA’s but I get by, mostly.

  • CatPS says:

    Oh, I had an almost identical experience with my hubby! Only he oh-so-cleverly ordered me a refurbished (“previously loved”) model off the interwebz, as we were both students at that point and could barely scrape together enough money for pizza on Friday nights. It ended up in the bottom of a drawer after a month or two. I think it’s still floating around in a random box somewhere after several years because I just can’t stand to toss it. I got an iPod touch a few months ago (can’t afford the iPhone data plan since we’re STILL students – the grad version this time) and he mocks me. He mocks iTunes, he mocks Apple, he mocks my nifty apps, and the touch-screen wonderfulness of my darling iPod. But it’s ok, because I LOVE my iPod, and I know that he’s the one who’s missing out!!!

  • Sara R. says:

    Ha! I did the same thing with my PDA back in college. I diligently entered in every class, activity, birthday and appointment, then never picked it up again. I have a droid now and my husband keeps trying to convince me to abandon the paper calendar, but I can’t! See, I’M the one who has to buy birthday presents, pick up veggie trays for parties, start packing kids’ suitcases for trips 2 weeks in advance etc. so I need to see things coming up in a couple weeks, not just little dots on a computer screen depicting an event of some sort.

  • So really, you were just waiting for PDAs to get bigger. Ahead of your time, as always. And if you flush the cord, the Apple Store will sell you a new one for a thousand dollars.

  • SOCCERMOM says:

    You are too fucking funny! On so many levels.

  • Andrea says:

    I still have guilt years after my husband bought me a PDA for Christmas one year. I, too, put all the fucking info in that device and lost it with a battery-charge incident. It’s sat on a shelf in our basement, unused, for like 4 years.

    I read an article about technology destroyed by the cell phone, and PDAs were at the top of the list. There’s just really no purpose for them. An iPad on the other hand . . . can’t wait to read about it!

  • Jenn says:

    Survive. That’s about the only thing I have on my to-do list everyday.

    It’s a pretty shitty piece of technology that can’t remember information when it loses the battery charge. How the hell is that supposed to help anyone?

  • Jerseygirl89 says:

    Someday my children will drag me kicking and screaming away from my color-coded dry erase monthly calendar . . .and probably straight into a crappy nursing home. I’m not a technophobe, I don’t think. I live on the computer. I use Google Calendar. But if I don’t write it down it doesn’t count.

  • [quote] Your Aunt Becky Reply:
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    That makes you kinda my hero.[/quote]

    I get that a lot

  • Rebecca says:

    I’m do disorganized to even do a paper and pencil dayplanner (forget ever doing the ipad or PDA stuff). I do better by just writing stuff on the little squares in the calendar that hangs inside our pantry.

  • Ms. Moon says:

    Yes, but all things Mac are wonderful. Well, in my world, anyway.
    I really loved this post.

  • If there was a contest for best closing line of a blog post, this one, “Because entering “FUCKING SURVIVE” every day is kind of depressing.”

    Would win hands down.

  • giggleblue says:

    i love mac. like i’m a true mac lover. but the name ipad must have been the biggest epic fail of the year.


    could they not have named it iTab or iTablet?


  • Becca says:

    I want one really bad, but I just got my touch. So, I guess I could get one for c for Christmas and then conveniently use it every time she goes to work, hehe!

  • Becca says:

    I want one really bad, but I just got my touch. So, I guess I could get one for c for Christmas and then conveniently use it every time she goes to work, hehe!

  • I can’t go there. It’s too big. Of course I am only just now getting around to considering an iPhone.

  • inannasstar says:

    My bfff and I were discussing our “goals” and I told her “I don’t have any goals, my goal each day is to just make it through the day with my shit in tact”. Good to hear I’m not the only one ; )

  • melanie says:

    cant wait to hear what you think of the ipad….. I love my imac and the hubby likes his ipod touch but not sure what to think of the ipad.

  • You’ll have to let us know how it is! I say buy the diamond one when your book is published!!

  • Elly Lou says:

    It comes with an adhesive strip so you can stick it to your flossy new coach holder.

    I’m not allowed to have nice things – I just break them.

  • Jamie says:

    Dude, you gotta bedazzle the shit outta that thing! Aunt Becky with an i-pad? I thought I’d never see the day. You go girl!

  • downriver deb says:

    I’m sorry to say that I’ve only just now finished reading your sample chapter. LOVED IT!! Now I can’t wait for your book! Keep on writing, Aunt Becky. You’re fast becoming one of my favorite authors!

  • F. Haataja says:

    This reminds me of the time I got a free PDA for renewing my subscription of Sports Illustrated. My stylus evaporated the moment I pulled it out (that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it) so I passed time in my office entering information … using a Phillips screwdriver.

    Then it died one day. The end.

  • Stacy says:

    This is all I thought about when you said iPad …


    And I have an award for you at my place 🙂

  • GingerB says:

    Imagine me whining “I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!” What the fuck will it do for you? Will it write your book?

    I am so last year.

  • Sharon says:

    Aunt Becky is getting an iPad. And I just finished a Master’s thesis on the use of PDAs, smartphones and other handheld gadgetry as learning devices, despite the fact that my own cell phone is old enough to be powered by micro-hamsters on tiny little wheels. I feel like such a fraud…

  • Megan says:

    There is no way I could ever use a PDA either. I hate those things!

    Now that you’re getting an iPad, though, you might as well have an awesome sleeve for it.

    Somehow when I saw this I instantly thought of you! Maybe it was your post about the terrible mold incident in the bathroom.

  • Does the iPad fit in your iPants?

    (this is me being totally jealous)

  • mumma boo says:

    I had a PDA once. It died from neglect. I get by just fine with a swanky desk calendar and post-it notes. Post-it notes rule.

  • Yeah – who’s still using a paper daytimer book with a lead filled pencil so that plans that were made but never executed can be erased? Me. That’s who. Guilty as charged.

  • I am so excited for you! Will you promise to post about it when you get it. My hub asked me if I wanted to order one because my iPhone has become permanently attached to my body. I want to make sure I would use it enough!! Do tell when you get it!

    Sadie at heyMamas

  • Mwa says:

    I’m practically fused to my laptop these days, and still if I have any appointments, they go in my paper diary. Actually, they would, if I’d got around to getting one for 2010 yet. Dammit.

  • Will says:

    Freaking AWESOME post aside, why does the hyper link in the address field read “an-ipad-by-any-other-name-would-SMELL-less-stupid-sounding?” Just wondering.

    Those early PDA’s were a pain in the butt. I never owned one, and when I was considering it, played around with my boss’s for a little while – it was about as user-friendly as a chocolate teacup.

    Let me know how you like the iPad – I think it sounds a little too femmy sanitary for me, and I’m having trouble trying to figure out what niche it would fill in my life, but it looks cool.

  • But the important question is- does Coach make a pink ipad case? Cause that would be awesome. I used to live and die by my day planner- now it is all in my iphone- I defected.

  • magpie says:

    i’m a tiny bit jealous.

    that said, i was a pen & paper datebook/address book person until two years ago when i acquired my iphone.

  • Cyndi says:

    I have one of those old PDAs… in another couple of years it’s going to be an antique! Then I’ll have a TI-85 and a kick-ass PDA and you bitches will be like “how’d she get all the cool vintage electronics? Do you remember when circuit boards used to be that big?”

    But these days, I’m a fan of my Blackberry (and Google calendar) and use Levenger paper products for everything else. Levenger stuff never needs an upgrade and if you drop it, the world doesn’t end!

  • flutter says:

    a diamond iPad sounds damned uncomfortable, I mean can you imagine if you got a wedgie? Oh, wait…

  • Badass Geek says:

    I just can’t get over the name of it. iPad? Sounds like an electronic sanitary napkin.

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream

    Haw-haw…Aunt Becky has an iPad.

    LOL…enjoy it hon.

  • Classic Aunt Becky! Love it. I much prefer to put ink to paper than use google calendar or any of that techy crap.

  • Kendra says:

    The thing about the diamond-encrusted ipad (and maybe this says more about me than the product) is that it looks just like something you could get at Claire’s. If I were carrying that thing around, I’d be constantly whipping it out and scratching it against random panes of glass just to prove that they were real diamonds.

  • Kristine says:

    My sister bought me a PDA. I put everything in it. The next time I pulled it out of my purse, the batteries were dead (it had been so long.) I changed the batteries. And then the next time I pulled it out of my purse, it was dead again. And then I realized that I was basically carrying around a small paper weight – and I lost it.

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