My tastes have always run from the garish to the downright tacky. Whenever I’d date someone new, my friends teased me, “Show him the BECKY BELT” and if he laughed and shook his head in a “oh THAT wily Becky” kind of way, well, he was a keeper. If he didn’t, he wasn’t.Β Any guy who wants to dump you because you like glitter and sequins and hot pink isn’t someone who loves you for the right reasons. Just saying.

Anyway, it’s the stuff of legends, my tastes, and I’m pretty okay with that. If you’re going to be larger than life, it might as well be because your tastes suck.

Shoes, especially, my Awesomely Tacky Light Shines upon. I own a pair of black pumps, but they were for a wedding I was in. The rest of my shoe closet isn’t so unrefined.

Yesterday, I finally got in the mail a pair of shoes I’d put in my shopping basket ages ago. I’d finally remembered to buy blue hair dye for my peek-a-boo highlights in the back and was all WELL HELLO THERE AWESOME SHOES and bought them.

They showed up and the kids swarmed because normally packages that show up are for them. Plus, kids are pretty self-absorbed like that, which is kinda something that I respect about them.

I explained that the package wasn’t, in fact, for them this time, and the boys went outside to look at constellations. My daughter, however, made like she didn’t hear me. She’s a stubborn one, my girl.

I said it again as I opened the package and still she ignored me, her big eyes on the box in my lap. Then, I uttered the words I shouldn’t have: “SHOES.”

Now I said, “These are shoes for Mommy, Amelia. Aren’t they pretty?”


And then I whipped my new shoes out to show her.

To be fair, they look like shoes a child could wear, because of my lack of taste and all, but really, the heel is high and she’s not two years old yet. She already wears a small heel on her Mary Jane’s (her insistence) but her shoes can fit my big toe.

Well, all she saw was PRETTY SHOES.

So when I took HER pretty shoes and put them on MY feet, well, that Pranksters, that was unacceptable.

She screamed.

She wailed.

She tried to pry them off my feet.

When I took them off, confused by her ire, she tried to put them on her own tiny sausage feet. It didn’t work. This served to make her more angry so she screamed harder. Oh, my daughter has a temper, but this was unlike anything I’d ever seen.

My sons came running in to see if she’d been caught in a bear trap or had been run over by a truck and when they saw her standing with my shoes, they stopped and stared, mouths agape.

We all stared at her as she shrieked.

Pranksters, she yelled, cried, and beat her tiny fists against the floor for a full forty-five minutes until I put her into bed.

Guess this means that she’s inherited my tastes…

…and my temper.

99 thoughts on “Amelia And The Terrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Day

      1. Check out Target. They have these little, sequined, slip-on shoes like Dorothy wore in the Wizard of Oz. I think they come in red or silver. You could glue a couple of strawberry decorations on them.

  1. Wow. For the shoes and the tantrum. But mostly for the shoes, because I didn’t even know they made Robeez with heels. πŸ™‚ Seriously, those are the dream little girl shoe. Must leave the site now before my daughter sees them.

    But I have to know, what do you wear those shoes with? Somehow I can’t picture you in the sundress and straw hat that they make me think of.

  2. i too admire her balls. she wants those shoes! i guess no more pretties for mommy when amelia is around. you’ll have to set up some kind of secret delivery code with a neighbor. have all shoes shipped in care of to a neighbor who will hide them under a bush outside your bedroom window or something.

    hmmm… i have visions of night-vision goggles and helicopters in my head. so you could do that. or you could order her pressies to come at the same time as yours.

    or you could show her how strong your pimp hand is. that’s what i would do, which is why i don’t have children.

  3. Your daughter has freaking amazing tastes, because those shoes rock. And by rock, I mean that if I ran into you wearing them at the grocery store (let us, for arguments sake, assume by the produce aisle) I would seriously considering giving up my breeder card to do you.

  4. I was much the same when I was her age.
    Everything HAD to be mine.

    I used to steal things out of my sister’s room or if I wanted something from her and couldn’t get it, I’d bug her until she’d fork it over.

    Oi… Good luck!

  5. First, I despise the color pink in all of it’s forms. However, that being said…I love the hell outta those motherfuckin’ shoes! The only thing that’s saving me from spending money (a) tracking them down and (b) buying them is because of my hatred for pink – I don’t have anything these shoes will go with. Whew.

    Sorry Amelia threw such an epic tantrum…but, think about it this way, at least she has your fabulous taste in shoes…? πŸ™‚

  6. So you got right back on the Interwebz and found her a matching pair, right??? Because THAT would be full of the Awesome – for you AND her. Win-win, really.

  7. I’d tantrum for those shoes too! Altho, I wouldn’t be quite as cute doing it… I’m so jealous, they’re total awesomesauce! I only wish my child had my tastes… but she has her own garish desires…

  8. She’ll have forgotten they exist by tomorrow… until you wear them again πŸ˜‰ If I could walk in heels, I’d probably try to pry them off your feet too except that you have li’l ol’ size 9 feet and I wear a 10.

  9. Can’t blame the girl for throwing a fit. I’m about to throw the mother of all tantrums for those shoes, and I don’t even know where you live. πŸ˜‰

  10. I would have to say that you and miss Mimi have excellent taste. I would buy those too. Granted I would probably only actually wear them once because they would probably chew my feet to shreads. But I would have them in my closet to look at lovingly and to dream of all the crazy stuff I could wear with them.

  11. My daughter is a mini shoe whore as well. The girl can change shoes on any given day 20 times, all the while telling me that I screwed up because when I dressed her I didn’t match them to her outfit properly. Oh, to be four, and to think you are in charge.

  12. You will have to bring the shoes on your cruise so everyone can drool over them. And take pics, then Mimi will not know the shoes had been worn. Or you can break them in in Vegas!?

  13. Um, those shoes are AWESOME! I’d scream for 45 minutes for them, too.

    I showed them to my fiance, and he was all, “I. . .like those. They’re. . .kind of sexy, actually.”

    So do with that what you will.

  14. *tear* She is growing up so fast. She already knows the value of cute shoes! I’m so proud for you!

    Seriously though, those shoes are full of the awesome. I definitely agree with the idea that you wear what you want and fuck everyone’s opinions on the matter. You feel good, you look good. Period.

  15. I do believe we could go shoe shopping together. I saw that pic in the facebook link and said….oooh, pretty shoes. Me likey.

    So, I’m with Amelia. If I scream and gnash my teeth, do you think they would magically appear on my doorstep.

  16. Oh my God. I LOVE them!!! I wish I had somewhere not to wear them. Like not to work. But work is the only place I go really. So I have nowhere not to wear them and a husband that wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere… let alone nowhere with me while I was wearing them. But oh, I do love them so very much.

  17. Where does one where Strawberry Shortcake high heeled Mary Janes? Just curious, since they seem a little uncomfortable for say, child wrangling, work, or grocery shopping, and that would be the limit of my activities.

  18. Sorry to hear that Amelia had such a meltdown, but really is there a better reason for an epic meltdown than being denied fabulous shoes? (I thought not). Those shoes are hella good.

  19. What fun and fabulous shoes! No wonder she screamed. You do have an outfit for them, don’t you? Will you share? Love to paraphrase on Alexander’s …Day… I’m in a group called the Pickle Jar Players and we go around to schools and senior citizen homes etc. and always end our hour with that story… Come visit when you can…

    1. OK, first I was looking at Aunt Becky’s shoes and considering having a meltdown of my own, because (a) those shoes absolutely ROCK, and (b) those heels would cripple me in about 5 minutes and I’d have to wear them in a wheelchair forever more. Now I’ve gotta have a meltdown over the Papush shoes, because I could totally wear those as adorable little flats, BUT THEY’RE NOT IN MY SIZE.

  20. I see in your future a lot of “mysteriously missing” clothes and shoes from your closet and then they ‘suddenly’ appear in your daughter’s closet.

    Go Amelia!

    PS: I would totally freak out for those shoes too.

  21. Understanding all that she and the whole family have been through in her short life, I say this with trepidation, but I say it — you’d better start getting her used to some discipline or you’ll never have any control over her, and that gets important when they get bigger. πŸ™‚

  22. Ah, I know that tantrum well. My little girl’s second word was “shoes.”

    She was a flower girl when she was two. My mother and I put the dress on her to make sure it fit. She was pleased. She gasped when she saw herself in the mirror. “I yook yike a pwincess!”

    When we took it off her, you would have thought we were prying off her toenails. “I WANT TO BE A PWINCE-E-ESS!” She sobbed and sobbed.

    Good luck with the shoes.

  23. I’m with you Aunt Becky! Where wouldn’t you wear those Strawberry shoes? I’d wear those pretties EVERYWHERE and with any-damn-thing I wanted! I’d sleep with one eye open though because it sounds like Princess Amelia will shank a bitch! At least you know no one ELSE will get in to steal your shoes. I want ’em but I’m not willing to get through her! Maybe she let you put her to bed because she’s scheming her next move! (She is seriously so full of the awesome I can’t stand it!)

  24. Everything we love about you, we love about Amelia in spades. I imagine her taking over the family franchise someday, when you’re just doddering Great Aunt Becky and she’s the brains of the operation. I mean, OBVIOUSLY. The shoes say it all.
    Angie at Eat Here

  25. So sorry about your dog. And the Amelia’s meltdown. But seriously, girlfriend, I’m so disappointed in this post. I scrolled down, expecting to see a picture of your princess trying on her mama’s shoes … but nada. πŸ™

    But because I love Amelia so much, I found these.

  26. Those shoes are totally awesome, so I can see how she would want them. I also can understand her rage. It is so frustrating to see a pair of shoes you love and have them not fit. I’m lucky because I have little boys and their taste in shoes is more the cartoon character light up kind.

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