A post in vignettes:

I’m pretty sure Alex has started smoking.

Which means that not only is he in direct defiance of my rule, which is “no smoking until you’re 12,” but now he’s got this horrible “I smoke a pack-a-day cough” and I’m sort of ashamed to send him to daycare. They’re OBVIOUSLY going to know he’s smoking.

In MY day, kids RESPECTED their elders and DIDN’T SMOKE until they were at LEAST 12.

*grumbles*

Damn kids on my lawn.

Speaking of damn kids, here is a absolutely great shot of my own damn kid:

Alex, Overwhelmed By Condiments

Now, he looks as though he’s positively giddy by what is on the plate (similarly to the look I get every time I get a comment or email from you guys!) because it’s a horrifying amalgamation* of junk food picked by his father! Why, there are hot dogs, and french fries and a whimsical Santa plate!

But no.

What Alex is crowing so happily about is not the food.

It’s the condiments.

Specifically *shudders* the mixture of the cheese sauce and ketchup mixed together. Which he ate with great gusto while I heaved in the next room.

*shudders*

——————-

I got interviewed by a real journalist and stuff! See! Anyone looking to make the leap from blogger to More Than Blogger should check out her site, as she’s trying to merge the gap between the old media and the new media. It’s a great idea and I know her site is going to take off.

——————–

May I present to you my eldest, in Hog Washers**:

Ben, In HogWashers

Also in this photo, a random pillow, proof that I need to sort my laundry, the tip of Dave’s shoe, and “I don’t think Pioneer Boys wear Airwalks.”

————————

I guest posted over here! YAY!

————————-

For Neil’s Great Blog Interview Project, I Interviewed Gunfighter who is pretty full of the Awesome, so you should check him out. And I’m not just saying that so he doesn’t kill me. He rules.

Katie Couric better watch out because I had WAY too much fun with this interview.

1) Sprinkles on ice cream or not? Or do you call them jimmies? Some people call them jimmies and I don’t understand it, but I think it’s a colloquialism like “soda” and “pop.”

Ha! I was just talking about this a week or so ago. For me, you only have sprinkles on soft-serve ice cream… and then only when you get it from the “Mr. Softee” ice cream truck that would come through our neighborhood in the summer. As for what you call them, I always called them jimmies. I understand that it is a fairly common thing in the northeast (I was raised in northern New Jersey. Go Yankees!).

2) Are you going to kill me if I mess up this interview? I’m screwed, aren’t I? (don’t shoot me, please, I have delicate skin)

Shoot you? Naaaah, I probably wouldn’t shoot you… you seem like a nice enough person… and you make me laugh, which goes a long way. Not that you need to worry, or anything… because you are doing fine… so far.

3) If you could choose one single song for them to do on Glee to die a happy person, what would it be?

You know, my wife and I were listening to the Glee soundtrack when I got your email with these questions… we agreed that it would really be beyond cool (and I mean cool in the sense of Miles Davis, and Lou Rawls) if the cast of Glee performed Mel Torme’s iconic hit “Coming Home Baby”. If they were to do that, I would be a really happy man… that song or the them from “Underdog”

4) What annoys you most about blogging? Everyone has some pet peeve. As for me, I can’t stand it when people abbreviate people into initials because my brain is too small to handle and retain such information for long enough to make it through a post.

You mean bloggers can be annoying? Never! Well, ok, since we are new pals and all… I’ll just say this about that: Sometimes bloggers are just a little too sanctimonious… and that probably means me, too.

5) You’re sent to live on a desert island with an iPod filled with the collective works of only 5 musical artists (let’s assume somehow you have unlimited power for said iPod). Who are they?

Mel Torme (don’t laugh. Mel Torme was as cool as they get)

Michael Jackson (Dude was weird, but name a really talented person who isn’t/wasn’t)

David Phelps (Look him up, he’s awesome)

Frank Sinatra (Frank doesn’t need any commentary)

Tuck Andress & Patti Cathcart (An incredible Jazz duo)

6) What’s the song that plays in your head every time you walk into a room? Like when you make an entrance, I mean. Not just like when you walk unnoticed into a room.

Oh, you mean personal theme songs? I have several, and they vary depending on what I am walking in the room to do. When I am walking into a classroom to teach, the song is “The Imperial March” from Star Wars (also known as “Darth Vader’s Theme”), The other, when I am on an operational assignment is the Main Title theme from “Superman“. Often, in my everyday life, my theme song is that favorite hymn of mine: “A Mighty Fortress is Our God”… there isn’t a much better song for a warrior.

7) If I came over to your house to eat dinner, what would you make me? Because you seem to be a good cook and I sometimes can’t be bothered to order takeout because I am JUST that kind of lazy and maybe I am kind of hungry right now.

I would probably roast a chicken with vegetables. Oh, and I do a chicken right, my friend. Mind you, it’s a rich dish, and ought to be shared with good friends and an ample supply of wine. To die for, trust me.

8) Now that I have read your archives, I have realized that my brother would salivate at the bit to be your best friend, (which I will lord over him as punishment for years of torture when we were kids) which means I need to be your best friend. Can I be your best friend?

Interesting… why would he want to be my best friend? Is it because of my tattoos, or because I have a rockin’ family?, or is it because I spend my day playing with guns? Maybe it’s because chicks dig me. Well, whatever it is, I am all about revenge on older brothers for childhood torture, so ok, we can be best friends. Do you hear that, Becky’s brother?She and I areBFF’s now, so don’t **** with her ever again!

So you should check him out because seriously, he’s awesome.

———————

And in the interest of full disclosure, I am going to tell you that my brother, Uncle Aunt Becky, would want to be BFF with Gunfighter because he would love Gunfighter’s job. Also, now I am going to visit Gunfighter so he can teach me how to shoot a gun. (but he doesn’t know that yet. He better get that chicken cooking. HA.).

——————-

How would YOU answer those questions, yo?

——————

*50 cent word!

**We had to order them off the Internet. They don’t readily stock overalls in size 8 up here. Probably because there are no hogs to wash. Although I guess he could wash my car. GOOD IDEA.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

119 Responses to A Little From Column A, A Little From Column 2

  • swirl girl says:

    holy ‘inteview’ Batman!

    I call them Jimmies. It’s a New England thing. Like water fountain v. bubbler. Or submarine sandwich v. grinder…

    love question 5! Mine would be Moondance (van morrison), MoonFlower (Santana), Graceland (Paul Simon), Royal Scam (Steely Dan) and At the Close of A Century (Stevie Wonders compilation).

    Not that you asked…but in case you were wondering

  • Badass Geek says:

    Cheese sauce mixed with ketchup? He clearly has overdeveloped taste buds, or none at all.

  • I started smoking at age 11. But it didn’t stick, so I quit for good a few months later. So does that count?

  • I get pretty excited over condiments too…especially any kind of sauce that’s served with sweet potato fries. Mmmmmm.

  • Laura says:

    Ok, so I have a very dry sense of humor. Last year at our stupid Neighborhood Night Out I was talking to my daughter’s friend’s mom. The little girl had been sick with a nasty cold. The girls ran up to ask us something and the little girl sounded absolutely horrible. I laughed and said, “Poor kid. What is she up to now, 3 packs a day?”

    They haven’t played together since. Apparently, the mother did not share my sense of humor.

    • Andrea says:

      That reminds me of when I was pregnant and my husband would always tell people that I was smoking and drinking for two. If the people looked shocked, he would continue with “but I finally got her to cut back on the meth.” Most people were speechless. It was hilarious.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      See, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I have the SAME sense of humor and it doesn’t always translate well. I either get caught up in NOT having one:

      “Oh my GOODNESS, I LOVE puppies! And fluffy KITTIES!”

      or I go overboard

      “I am totally chugging a PBR and giving Mimi a razor blade to cut you with. Because she kicks ass and takes names while I watch. So shut your mouth.”

      *sighs*

      Can you move close to me?

  • Libby says:

    I think people want to be your friend because of your fabulous Cheese and Ketchup recipes…

  • A: Alex can come live with me. Not because of the smoking, but because of the condiments. Which are what I happen to crave every so often and GOD HELP ANYONE WHO GETS IN-BETWEEN ME AND THE FAKE CHEESE.

    B: Reading your interview, Gunfighter sounded exactly like my ex (mainly taste-in-music. and wit.), and I was terrified. Then intrigued, because “oh, asshole got married?” Then I clicked on his page, and it was NOT remotely my ex. Good job not interviewing a loser.

  • Zakary says:

    Will you adopt me and feed me french fries with cheese sauce and dress me in overalls? I can be right over.

    *off to read interviews and PACK*

  • Cara says:

    My daughter and her Papa used to sit in front of the open fridge door with a spoon and try all the condiments…and believe me when I tell you thier fridge was fully stocked.

    No wonder she won’t eat anything he gives her anymore!

  • Great questions! Yes, Katie Couric needs to watch out. Hey, Meredith is pretty much sucking on the Today Show (have you seen the snarliers between her and the rest of the cast)? I think you should take over her job! Anyway,

    Before I check out the links here’s how I would answer some of those questions:

    -sprinkles on soft serve only and only if they are chocoloate

    -initals annoy me too

    – theme songs flucuate. after halloween until new year’s day – christmas songs, mainly by bing crosby and the andrew sisters.

    -yes, you can be my best friend, although you may not want to since i said bing crosby and the andrew sisters are my theme song.

    going to check out your links!

  • Heather says:

    I love condiments! Which goes to show how awesome your kid really is. Except for mustard…it blows.
    My husband owns 10 pairs of “hogwashers” (I AM NOT kidding). I actually pondered where he might have purchased them at one time…he wears them to do any kind of “work” because he has a bad back, and a small ass, so belts (to hold up his pants) hurt his back. Now, I am going to admit something seriously screwed up, maybe I should take my name off this…but when he wears them, the song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” plays in my head.
    And they kinda are sexy. Maybe because he doesn’t care that he looks like something thrown-up from The Dukes of Hazzard, or because he is unconcerned about style, or maybe because what he is doing is working on something that is going to make our house or yard beautiful.
    They also make me giggle when I hear them plinking around in the dryer.

  • Well done! Bravo!

  • You didn’t look at Walmart for the overalls? They have everything, including Miley Cyrus liquid hooker pants. I shit you not.

  • Jenn says:

    What the hell is it with kids and condiments? Boo actually asked me a few days ago if she could have JUST ketchup for lunch. I almost said yes. (I’m a GREAT mom.)

    I totally call them jimmies. I am also in the northeast so… there ya go.

    You want to know what annoys the piss out of me on blogs? Probably not but I’m about to tell you anyway. Music that plays automatically. If I want to listen to something I’d rather push play myself, thanks.

    I think it’s hilarious that your 8 turned into a smiley. Seriously.

  • Krissa says:

    First of all, Loved this post!
    Second of all I’m pretty sure you could get 75 cents for that word.
    Third, I thought I was your best friend!!!!

  • Kelly says:

    What the hell is it with kids and weird condiments, and/or mixing food up and around. It’s so sick. Sometimes I have to leave the room when Mea eats. Last week, we had a roast, sweet potatoes, and I had given her a handful of her favorite holiday grapes for dinner. She bit the grapes into chunks, hopefully/maybe eating some of them, swirled the sweet potatoes and the roast and the grape chunks all together, and was dipping the whole combo into Ranch dressing. Sooooo disgusting. How did she eat that?

  • That is so a 75 cent word. Don’t sell yourself short!!

  • mepsipax says:

    Great post. Playing with guns is awesome, but I get to blow up shit on a daily basis. Guns were good for me in the Marine Corps, but I have a degree now and need bigger explosions.

    My kid used to eat gross shit too, now I can’t get him to eat anything gross. Growing up sucks.

  • MamaSkates says:

    haha, see?! i’m not alone! damn kids on my lawn!!! ;0)

  • Holy Interview, Batman!
    Yes, it is true, sprinkles ONLY belong on soft serve ice cream. Michael Jackson rules, and “The Imperial March” is the best theme song ev-er!
    He is clearly a genius, and worthy of being your new BFF.

  • Lucy says:

    I’m not buying “A Mighty Fortress is Our God.”
    But, I would believe “Nearer My God To Thee.”
    That’s the song the band on the Titanic was playing, as it sank.
    Either that or Burl Ives doing “Holly Jolly Christmas.”

  • LeahKitten says:

    1. No jimmies or sprinkles but I do like Johnnies…er, what was the question?

    3. I love me some Glee. I want the kids to sing something completely not kid appropriate. Like “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” or “Killing In The Name Of”. C’mon you can totally see Rachel shouting “F**k you I won’t do what you tell me!”

    4. Sometimes I forget to blog or I have nothing new to say and it worries me and I’m glad no one yells at me for not having new content up. But, um, if Aunt Becky forgot to blog I would totally notice and would yell at you… What does that say about me?

    5. Queen, Willie Nelson, Devotchka, Talking Heads, and (coughed whisper) Ani DiFranco

    6. AC/DC She’s Got Balls I hope.

    7. Bacon. Lots of it.

  • Dana says:

    Just drive about 20 miles west! Not only will you find hog washers at the “man mall” (aka Blain’s Farm & Fleet), but you’ll also find hogs to wash! We’ve got a huge hog farm right here in town … and a butcher that specializes in pork!

    Head west Aunt Becky … head west!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      You know what? I had TOTALLY blocked DeKalb out of my memory, but you are SO right. I could wash a hog in my new hog washers! My whole FAMILY could be adorned in hog washers! ROCK ON.

  • tysdaddy says:

    Ketchup and cheese is awesome! Throw in some gravy, and I’m all giddy myself . . .

    And great interview . . .

  • Sharon says:

    Hot dogs are not junk food, Aunt Becky. They have protein in them. Honestly. I read the label.

    Tried to give my kid junk for breakfast last week- Fruit Loops- and she said, “No thanks, Mummy. I’m going to Uncle Gerry’s and he’s probably going to want to have junk food with me, so I better have something healthy for breakfast.” She’s adopted. Naturally.

  • Belle says:

    It’s not okay to let toddlers smoke? Woopsi….

  • Amie Simmons says:

    Love the interview with Old Dog Rehab. I have super enjoyed your blog since I found you about two weeks ago. Thanks for the entertainment :)

  • Gail says:

    If you want to understand why some people call ice-cream sprinkles “jimmies” (particularly in the NE states, go here and read about the history of The Jimmy Fund: http://www.jimmyfund.org/abo/history/default.html

    One of long-time fundraisers was with an ice cream shop who donated the proceeds to the fund every time someone ordered sprinkles on their ice cream. This has been going on for over 50 years, and is why sprinkles became known as “jimmies”.

    I am a fount of useless knowledge.

  • Rebecca says:

    The chicken dance comes on when I enter a room. Strange I know…..oh well.

  • Suzy Voices says:

    For our 5th grade talent show, my best friend (now stepsister) and I were going to do a tap dance to “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”. Minutes before the performance, we got into a fight. Threats of putting gum on the other’s tap shoes abounded. Thankfully we made up seconds before showtime.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      And that is what is amazing about kids. What is the worst thing ever can be easily rectified by a simple offer of, well, candy. I do it all the time with Ben. It rules.

  • Cat says:

    1) Never heard of jimmies
    3) A mashup of Britney Spears songs, God help me
    4) Trolls
    5) 16 Horsepower, Matchbox 20, Death Cab for Cutie, Pearl Jam, The Killers. I’m stuck in 1999.
    6) Darth Vader theme song

  • Melanie says:

    Well. I loved your interview!

    Also, I must have missed the note about mommy blogs being G rated. Whoops.

  • Michelle says:

    I honestly saw a picture of a two year old smoking *and* riding a motorcycle without a helmet. Link: http://www.datzhott.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/kid-smoking1.jpg
    There was a whole video to go with it of this kid actually lighting up.

    1) Sprinkles go on cupcakes only. Sprinkles, that is.
    2) A good interview: means that you’ll have to post the halloween picture that you *promised* to put up and never did. Because I was stalking… er… paying attention.
    3) When I was in high school, my choir and I performed a mash-up song (sorta) of Play a Simple Melody by Irving Berlin. Four parts. Beautiful. I would have Glee teacher babies.
    4) Long winded comments… what?
    5) Kenny Loggins, Soundtrack to Rent, The Offspring, Carrie Underwood, and Michael Franti.
    6) We get theme songs?
    7) You’d get scalloped potatoes, marinated game meat, and greenery. Also, the best cookies you will have ever eaten in your life. They’re informal; More currying favor and less trying too hard.

  • Jennifer G says:

    Pioneer Boys should wear Airwalks. Hell, EVERYONE should wear Airwalks. They are the MOST comfortable shoe evar made.

  • Great Interview, Go Yankees is Right! I’m from Northern Jersey too, good place to be From…
    Cute picture of your son, cheese sauce and ketchup, really, blech…

  • Quiet Dreams says:

    Never heard the word “jimmies,”…surely it’s a geographical shortcoming you won’t hold against me?

    Awesome interview.

    Speaking of gross condiment combinations, the ex used to eat (he probably still does, but I don’t have to see it anymore) a dill pickle, wrapped in a slice of cheese, covered with mustard.

    Another benefit of the split–not having to watch him eat that EVER AGAIN.

  • maya says:

    I grew up in the south, here jimmies is a term used for male reproductive organs.
    And I am so happy to hear that it is somewhat common to have a theme song. Mine is Nationwide, ZZ Top

  • sarah says:

    Best interview, ever.

    Btw, I want to be you. Can I be you?

    And what happened to that comment thingie where it shows your responses, too? I liked that….

  • SciFi Dad says:

    Yeah, Gunfighter is pretty full of the Awesome. I agree.

  • Brooke says:

    1. Sprinkles (what the hell are jimmies?) belong on soft serve. Or cute cookies made to look like ice cream cones
    2. No, just maim you, like you did to the chickens
    3. I think it’d be rad if they did something by Marilyn Manson or Metallica. I’m not picky. Something not gleeful.
    4. The only thing I get annoyed by is blogs I like not being updated very often.
    5. Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins, Kelly Clarkson (yes, seriously), and O.A.R.
    6. I’ll go with our reception entrance song and say I’m Shipping Up to Boston by Dropkick Murphys. That or Devil’s Dance by Metallica.
    7. I’d have the hubs make his amazing stuffed peppers and cheesy garlic bread. Wait, I’d make you cake balls. Delicious cake balls.

  • kalakly says:

    You know, everytime I see a snap of you, I think, that wholesome, lovely lady can’t possibly be MY Aunt Becky, can it?!
    Awesome interview. Absolutely.

  • Stone Fox says:

    aunt becky, don’t you think your ‘No Smoking Till You’re 12′ rule is a bit.. antiquated and hard-line? i mean, this is a new generation. my kids follow the ‘No Smoking or Drinking Until You Go To School’ rule, and we think it’s a nice, moderate compromise. since the oldest is now in pre-school, we’re thinking of starting him on chew. cause really, it’s cheaper than cigarettes.

    and ben? i want to give him a calf, put him in 4-H and call him “Son” a lot.

    and:
    -the word “jimmies” always make me think of condoms. and the only thing more disgustink than any combo of cheese/ketchup/gravy is condoms on ice cream.

    -i don’t really have a theme song for when i walk in a room. i like to switch up the life-soundtrack music quite a bit. like right now, i am listening to the beastie boys in my head.

    -my 5 iPod artists would be: sublime, pennywise, bad religion, black crowes, and sly & the family stone. of course, i would never hear a single note of music, because i am the last person in the entire world not to have an mp3 player (seriously. even the duggar kids have mp3 players) and i wouldn’t know how to turn it on.

  • DG at Diaryofamadbathroom says:

    Hog washers made me shoot soda out of my nose. I have never heard that expression before. But now, I’ll love it forever.

  • @marymac says:

    I totally call them jimmies. ;)

  • Andrea says:

    I think my twins started smoking too. Between the two of them I just can’t catch them in the act. Damn 9 month olds are smarter than me. It’s gonna be a long 18 years.

  • igster101 says:

    Yay Mr Softee. My mom swears I put his kids through college.

  • Mwa says:

    My kids love condiments too. They both hate french fries, but will take one, to then dip it in ketchup a million times until the ketchup is finished. Then they leave the french fry.

  • Betts says:

    I’m from New England and I’ve heard both sprinkles and jimmies. I don’t care what you call them, they are a gross addition to what is a wonderful product all on its own.

  • Karen says:

    LOVE the overalls. I wish it was fashionable for me to wear them.

    Also I would Kenny Rogers, Garth Brooks, Barry Manilow, Barry White and Madonna on the island with me

  • Boo loves him some cheese dipped in mustard.

    And he is not supposed to eat either.

    That is why he wakes at 3am to eat it and I find him in a pool of mustard and cheese wrappers. Like a drunkard. But way cuter.

  • Kendra says:

    I’m so glad to see that my 3-year-old isn’t the only one who considers condiments food. He will also eat salsa with a spoon and completely disregard the quesadilla that he’s supposed to be eating it on. But at least that counts as vegetables–right?

    I adore the overalls. My 6-year-old gets a lot of hand-me-downs from my husband’s boss and her three older boys, and he just got a pair of overalls yesterday. I was wondering, but now I know–they are cute!

    And I’ve always called them sprinkles, but when I was in grade school, my best friend was a girl visiting with her family from Holland. And the first time I went to her house, she asked if I wanted some ice cream with “mice” on it. I was horrified until I realized she meant sprinkles.

  • Angel says:

    Another great post!

  • cindermommy says:

    My daughter eats mustard on everything. Everything- even salad. Maybe she and Alex can get together at a buffet someday and gorge on condiments together!

  • magpie says:

    Ketchup is mother’s other little helper.

    I love that you asked him for his desert island artists. Good question!

  • ScoMan says:

    I’m over here from Stir Fry Awesomeness to weigh in on the Facebook thing and I just wanted to say that I too have had nobody from my past contact me. No old school friends. Nothing.

    But that’s because I have my privacy settings very high. People don’t find me. I find them.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Now that’s the way to do it on Facebook. My brother is like that because he is a quality person. Me, I’ll friend anyone. But I blog about what an idiot I am, so there’s that.

  • Mary (MPJ) says:

    Great interview. And I thought I was the only person under 70 who listened to Mel Torme and Frank Sinatra!

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