10:52AM, my neurologist’s office.

Man, I hope that fish eats some more rocks. That’s hiLARious when he spits ’em back out.

I’d really like a fish tank. Salt water, tho. Freshwater fish poo too much. Shit, I’d probably kill them. Then I’d be depressed for months.

10:55AM, my neurologist’s office.


Man, fish are hilarious.

11:05AM, my neurologist’s office.

Fuck, this is gonna be some shitballs news. I really should’ve put this off another day.

OH, hell, he’s asking me a question about my headaches. LOOK AWAKE. Nod. Yeah! Nodding is always good. WAIT, I just told him my headaches are getting better. RETRACT, RETRACT, RETRACT.

11:10AM, my neurologist’s office.

He really does look like a cowboy from a spaghetti Western. Wait, what the hell does “spaghetti Western” mean? Either way, he totally does.

Shit, more drugs. And these side effects. If the headaches won’t kill me, the treatment fucking will.

11:12AM, my neurologist’s office.

Is he still talking about side effects? I’m getting depressed. I know, I should think about something else.

Why is Jessica Simpson, reported to be due “this spring” so huge? I don’t believe it. I bet she’s popping out a kid any moment now.

11:17AM, my neurologist’s office.

Did Jay-Z and Beyonce REALLY shut down an entire NICU for their baby? That’s some bullshit.

hums, “it’s a hard knock life.”

11:22AM, my neurologist’s office.

He’s yelling at me for not getting a blood test done. Fuck. What was the test again? I love tests. Just yesterday I took an IQ test – I’m pretty sure I failed.

Should I tell him about my IQ test and ask if that’s what he wanted? NO. Bad call, SHUT UP BECKY.

11:24AM, my neurologist’s office.

Damns. More drugs. And a side effect that can kill me – another one. Lords.


Not working. Imagining my funeral.

People better be crying at my funeral. None of this – “celebrate my life” bullshit – I want tears. REAL TEARS. I will PAY people to cry if I have to.

Shit, I wonder what the going rate is for funeral criers.

Hrms. Would I find them on Craigs List? That seems to be the best place to find ’em. Fuck. They took out Craigs List personal ads. Fuck. Now I’m gonna have to find a real job.

11:36AM, my neurologist’s office.

Ooooh! My brain is rewiring itself to become better at circumventing my migraine meds. That’s almost robotic.

Wait. No. That means my brain is becoming resistant to it. That’s not good.

11:42AM, my neurologist’s office.

Woah, he gave me a lot of instructions and all I can think is: “when is Jessica Simpson REALLY having her baby?” This is not good.

Ooooo! Bubbles!

22 thoughts on “A Fish With No Eyes? Impossible!

  1. I have super-dooper-pooper fish that eat the neon blue and black gravel resting at the bottom of the tank. And it is frickin funny watch them do that. I get your brain.

  2. The ‘fish with no eyes’ joke is the first one my oldest son ever learned.

    There’s nothing quite funnier than a 2yo coming up to you and going “What do you call a fish with no eyes?? FSSSHHH!!!”

  3. PS- I just got a bullshit message saying I was posting responses like I am the fucking Flash. Really, internet server thing? Really? When have I done anything fast except when I am running from a spider.

  4. damn fish can be so distracting!

    my father informed me years ago that spaghetti westerns are a style of westerns that emerged in the 60s… they were directed by Italians… so ya… bit of a non-PC nickname 😉

    1. Naw, just enjoying the whole ‘it’s ok to be hugely fat’ for a change if you ask me. Heck I did it, twice!

      Hope your office visit was somewhat fruitful Becky. Migranes suck.

  5. Spaghetti Westerns are Westerns that were written and produced by Italians. You probably know that already, but you made me wonder so I did the google dance.

  6. You take the meds before, or after the office visit?

    I barely passed my last blood test. I stayed up all night studying for it too.

  7. Blasted Migraines! I hate them – I hope your meds don’t have any horrid side effects and your Migraines get less frequent and less painful. Hugs!

  8. Stupid neurologists!! why ARE they so borrrrrrring?? is that a required course to be a head doc??? really? I hope you get some meds to help you through this……you must be suffering. But damn girl! you’re still funny as shit!

  9. I rerally hope the doctor was telling you how much he enjoys your blog, and how you bring the funny, and that the headaches will go away with ythe new easy to take meds. I am a good crier…just so you know…

  10. I’m also meansister777 on twitter, by the way. I have had migraines literally as long as I can remember. I know having unsolicited advice is a real pain in the ass. It really pisses me off when people tell me what to try, because I have tried about 30 to 40 medications over nearly 30 decades of treatments. None have worked for very long. If you would like someone to bitch with, I would be glad to share with you the treatments I have tried over the years. My email is atkrohn@gmail.com

  11. I will come and cry and not even ask for money – just photo credits or something like that. I look ugly when I cry though, and you probably want pretty criers.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *