The Daver: “Baby, what’s wrong? You haven’t asked me all night how I rate your awesomeness level.”
Aunt Becky (despondently): “I’m just feeling…so…sad.”
The Daver: “Aw, why?”
Aunt Becky (listlessly draws in circles on table in front of her): “Well, I’m pretty sure that none of my television husbands even know I exist. I pine for Dr. House night after night, and still, he’s never even once responded to my advances.”
The Daver: “It’s just because he doesn’t know you.”
Aunt Becky: “And Dexter, DEXTER, Dave. I never thought I’d say that I wish I had a friend who was a serial killer, but I do. I want to have a friend who is a serial killer. Like Dexter! (pounds table) I want Dexter to be my friend!”
The Daver: “Baby, if he knew you, he’d want to be your friend.”
Aunt Becky (looks up at him hopefully): “You really think so?”
The Daver: “Of course. Who WOULDN’T want to be friends with a creepy internet person who blogs about her television husbands?”
Aunt Becky: “When you put it like that, I mean, of COURSE he’d be my friend! I’m a shoo-in for his BEST friend. And then, I just know he’d want to marry me. It’s a very logical step.”
The Daver: “Clearly.”
Aunt Becky: “I think I need to expand my cadre of boyfriends to include some new genres. I’m thinking I need a rock-star boyfriend now.”
The Daver (has left the conversation and is busily typing on his Blackberry)
Aunt Becky: “I follow some on Twitter. Ice-T and David Cook. Those are my next boyfriends…(trails off)
Aunt Becky: “Look out, gentlemen, I have you in my sights, and once Aunt Becky has her tenterhooks in you, there’s no turning back. I’ll be the cheese to your macaroni. The Fun to your Fetti. The angle to your dangle.”
The Daver: “Wait, I though it was just David Cook’s Fanclub that followed you on Twitter.”
Aunt Becky: “Semantics, Daver. Who gives a shit? Either way, he is my new boyfriend. *pumps fists* All that remains is me telling him that we are now officially dating. Also, did you know that David Cook was my best friend growing up? TRUE STORY. We shared the sandbox for years.”
The Daver: “And to think, you could have had fame and fortune…”
Aunt Becky: “Yeah, well, Twitter and I are getting the DISCO band back together* just as soon as I get my vocoder. Then I, too, will be famous for being in our ALL GIRLS disco band.”
The Daver: “You go ahead with your dreams, baby. Don’t let anyone get in your way.”
Aunt Becky: “Are you…are you ROLLING YOUR EYES at me?”
The Daver: “I would never mock something you were so serious about. Your unrequited love for people who you don’t know that you’re going to go off and marry is one of those things I couldn’t DARE mock you for.”
The Daver: “Much.”
*I bought the domain and am planning to get the community site designed so we can all rock out with our cocks out. But I need some input from you. What makes a community site good? What would you want in a site? What would make you visit it?
——————
Over at Toy With Me, I’m discussing Valentine’s Day. Which I still call VD-Day because I am full of maturity.
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March 12th, 2010 → 11:55 am
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