This Ain’t Your Momma’s Pioneer Woman

Posted on August 26th, 2009 by Your Aunt Becky

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If you have no idea what I’m talking about, go here for a visit, then come back. It’ll make more sense that way.

Hm…It’s lunch time. What shall I cook?

cookbooks-unused-1

Wow, those cookbooks are shiny and new looking! That must be painfully obvious that I do not cook. Unless one calls “shamelessly ordering take-out” cooking. Which, probably not.

think-of-the-children-2

WHY WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHIIILLLDREN?!?

*wrings hands dramatically for several minutes*

Man, being sanctimonious makes me hungry.

secret-recipes-3

Wait, now THAT looks like a book I would like! Retro lady, the word “secret” in the title, and I’m pretty sure no foodies would masturbate onto it.

Phew! I can make lunch after all.

Let’s see…

control-freak-cookies-4

Hm…

Well.

Now.

Not really quite what I had in mind. I left my bitter pants upstairs, and while I like cookies, I’m pretty sure this won’t be too tasty.

Well, hel-lo lover…

pad-thai-5

Hooray! Even *I* can use the microwave! And look at the whimsical packaging! I can’t go wrong here.

instructions-6

Okay, dude, Pad Thai box, I sort of hate taking direction. Remember the whole “nursing school” fiasco?

Yeah, me too.

crap-inside-7

But lookit all the cute individually wrapped packages! How wee!

ingrediants-8

I can artfully arrange them JUST LIKE BEN! He’d be so proud of my technique! I should show him. Oh…right.

*sighs*

Man, Day 1 of school and I already miss him.

water-9

Posing the water next to my orchid is very artsy. Maybe I could be…a photo blogger.

(shut UP)

And that’s ABOUT a cup. Close enough for me.

11

5! More! Flavors!

I might actually eat lunch properly again! O! Thank you, box of prepackaged Thai food!

noodles-12

Add the bag of noodles.

barfy-sauce-13

Wait. Um. That sauce looks semi-unappetizing.

But wait! Look! Whimsical packaging!!!

What was I saying again? I totally forgot.

microwave-14

Look at me all using the microwave like a big kid. Daver is going to be SO PROUD of me.

*hums Jeopardy song loudly*

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Aww, yeah! END. I know what THAT means!

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Uh. Well.

YUM?

17

Maybe this is what will make my lunch more delicious: one more microwaved minute.

Aww YEAH.

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And just like that, I have noodles glued together with an unidentifiable sauce! I should TOTALLY WRITE A COOKBOOK. That’s EXACTLY what I should do! WRITE COOKBOOKS!

alex-wtf

Uh, MOM? Hi. Are you a total idiot?

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