I’d been off and on The Twitter all day on Friday, rather than out and about pepper-spraying people to get a wicked deal on a TV set or some diamond earrings thanks to a particularly bad gravy hangover (Xanax Gravy, you should try it!). Whenever I’m on The Twitter, I pay a little bit of attention to the Trending Topics on the sidebar. Mostly because I want to know if the Zombie Apocalypse is starting but also because The Twitter feeds me my news.
Well, I saw that Nickelback was trending.
Fine, I said, as I trundled off to get buffalo wings with The Daver. Whatever. Prolly a new album or something.
Over dinner, we began talking about (oddly) Nickelback, who happened to be playing at the Lions versus Packers football game. I figured that was reason enough for their appearance upon the Twitter, but no.
“It turns out,” Daver said, “That Nickelback is getting a fuckton of backlash for their appearance at the game.”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows as I slowly devoured buffalo wings, which are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
“Yeah,” he replied. “So their record company released a statement saying that they’d sold 5 million copies of their latest album and we should all shut our whore mouths.”
This got me thinking (a semi-dangerous pursuit, as we all know).
5 million albums.
Presumably bought by 5 million people.
So I promptly threw out a tweet asking about it:
I wasn’t being glib – I was genuinely curious.
Because even as I said it, I realized I didn’t know a SINGLE Nickelback song. Not one. I got on my i(can’t)Phone and popped onto YouTube (we SO live in the future, y’all). I simply threw “Nickelback” into the search box, figuring their biggest hits would pop up first and I could be all OH so it’s THOSE guys. Got it. The ire, I get! Or, people should shut their fucking whore mouths, this song rules!
Didn’t find a single song I recognized.
So I decided iTunes would never let me down and clicked over there through my i(suck at making calls from my)Phone.
Not a fucking thing I recognized. All I was able to ascertain was this:
1) Nickelback songs sound the same.
B) They’re Canadians.
So I waited for The Twitter to enlighten me.
Hrms. She’s Canadian. Okay, fair enough.
Now THAT is a fucking good point!
(Altho, my mom would NEVER buy 5 million copies of anything I sang. Which is fair)
AH-HA! My arch-nemesis! John C. Mayer would do ANYTHING to fuck mah shit up.
The Twitter’s consensus was that Canadians and Nickelback’s Moms bought all of the CD’s. But not ALL Canadians (I think I got unfollowed by 30 or so Canadians for using that blanket statement), I quickly learned.
That leaves wondering: who DOES buy Nickelback CD’s?
This is where you get to help me, Pranksters. Survey below should clear it up. Also: results are anonymous, so I won’t laugh and point if you say you have bought the CD’s.